Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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