She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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