1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
