I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
