it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
