theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
