Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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