Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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