My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
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