Walk of Shame. In a state park.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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