so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
