I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
How external is "for external use only"?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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