my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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