Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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