wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
