Barsexuality is the new black.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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