Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
