I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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