Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
