is your mom at the bar?
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
