If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
