I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
