oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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