You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
