Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
