do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
