I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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