I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
