Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
