I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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