I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
