He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
