So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
