Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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