woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
