Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
