i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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