And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
