Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
