My liver just broke up with me...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
