Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You can't special order awesome
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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