Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
