Don't you send me to vm
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
