I wish my penis had an off switch
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
we're so committed to being not committed
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