Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
