Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
