i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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