So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
