Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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