The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
