Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
