worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
