Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
