Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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